Overcoming Body Shame: Love Your Body Love Yourself with Marla Mervis-Hartmann

overcoming body shame - love your body love yourself - marla mervis-hartmann

Ready to overcome body shame? Marla Mervis-Hartmann from Love Your Body, Love Yourself joins us to discuss body shame and its impact on sexuality and intimacy. We explore how negative body image can lead to shutting down sexually and avoiding emotional vulnerability. We also address the insecurities and discomfort that can arise in relationships due to body image issues.

00:00:00 Love and accept your body.

00:06:00 Question societal expectations of beauty.

00:16:05 Exploring sexuality requires self-inquiry.

00:22:36 Listen to and trust your body.

00:28:38 Embrace and love your body.

00:32:36 Embrace and surrender to pleasure.

00:43:22 Body shaming from medical professionals.

00:45:13 Advocate for your own health.

00:50:11 Body image affects relationships, support is important.

00:57:08 Address body shaming with compassion.

01:03:30 Shift focus to self-love.

01:08:27 Body image and self-acceptance.

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Body shame affects sexuality.

Body shame affects sexuality in profound ways. It is a pervasive issue that impacts both men and women, causing them to feel insecure and disconnected from their bodies. This transcript from the Clit Talk podcast highlights the damaging effects of body shame and how it can hinder sexual expression and intimacy.

The podcast begins by acknowledging that body shame is a common experience for most people. The hosts discuss the daily struggle of dealing with negative self-talk and the impact it has on their relationship with their bodies. The little voice that criticizes their appearance or choices creates a ripple effect of negative habits and behaviors.

Marla Mervis Hartman, a renowned body image expert, joins the podcast as a guest. She emphasizes the connection between body image and sexuality. When individuals dislike their bodies, they often shut down their sexuality and intimacy. It becomes difficult to show up sexually when one is not connected to or loving their body.

Hartman explains that negative body image can lead to a fear of emotional vulnerability and being seen by others. As the relationship deepens, insecurities around the body can manifest as discomfort or a desire to avoid intimacy. The fear of being emotionally naked becomes intertwined with body shame, creating a barrier to sexual expression.

The hosts share personal experiences, with one of them attributing weight gain to a lack of confidence in relationships. She admits to avoiding intimacy at times because she does not feel comfortable in her body. This example illustrates how body shame can impact even confident individuals, highlighting the complexity of the issue.

Hartman acknowledges that confidence in other areas of life does not necessarily translate to confidence with one's body and sexuality. She explains that some individuals may seek attention through excessive sexual behavior as a way to compensate for their insecurities. On the other hand, others may hide and withdraw from intimacy, feeling out of alignment with their true selves.

The conversation delves into the internal expectations individuals have for themselves. The pressure to conform to societal beauty standards can create an internalized sense of what one's body should look like. This self-imposed expectation further fuels body shame and inhibits sexual expression.

The podcast concludes by emphasizing the importance of embracing one's body and allowing oneself to feel beautiful and sensual, regardless of societal expectations. The hosts and guest advocate for enjoying pleasure in life and embracing sexuality without waiting for a certain appearance.

In summary, body shame profoundly affects sexuality. It creates insecurities, disconnects individuals from their bodies, and hinders intimacy. The fear of being emotionally vulnerable and the pressure to conform to societal beauty standards contribute to this issue. It is crucial to challenge and overcome body shame in order to fully embrace one's sexuality and experience pleasure without limitations.

Body image and societal expectations.

Body image and societal expectations play a significant role in shaping how individuals perceive themselves and their sexuality. In a podcast transcript, the speakers discuss the impact of external societal expectations on one's internal perception of their body and how it affects their sexual experiences.

The conversation begins by acknowledging that societal expectations are one of the hardest challenges to overcome. The pressure to conform to certain beauty standards can be overwhelming and often leads to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. However, the speakers suggest questioning these expectations and allowing oneself to experience pleasure without judgment or limitations.

One of the speakers shares her personal experience of fluctuating body sizes and how it has not affected her partners' attraction towards her. She emphasizes that men, in her experience, are happy to have a naked woman in front of them, regardless of her size. This highlights the disconnect between how individuals perceive their own bodies and how others perceive them.

The speakers also discuss how they view other women's bodies differently from their own. They appreciate the beauty and confidence of other women, but struggle to extend the same acceptance and love towards their own bodies. This discrepancy suggests that societal expectations have ingrained a negative self-image in individuals, making it difficult to embrace their own bodies.

The conversation takes an interesting turn when one of the speakers shares a pivotal moment in her relationship with her husband. Initially believing that her husband desired a thinner body, she was surprised when he expressed his attraction to her softer, curvier physique. This revelation challenged her preconceived notions about body image and allowed her to question societal expectations.

The speakers also discuss the pressure to be thin and how it has evolved over time. They mention the rise of body modifications, such as Kim Kardashian's enhanced posterior, and the trend of women undergoing surgeries and injections to achieve certain curves. This highlights the unrealistic beauty standards that society imposes on individuals, pushing them to alter their bodies to fit an idealized image.

In conclusion, body image and societal expectations have a profound impact on individuals' perception of themselves and their sexuality. The pressure to conform to certain beauty standards creates insecurities and disconnects individuals from their bodies. Overcoming body shame and challenging societal expectations is crucial for individuals to fully embrace their sexuality and experience pleasure without limitations. It is important to recognize that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and that self-acceptance and love are essential for healthy sexual experiences.

Sexuality and vulnerability in relationships.

Sexuality and vulnerability are deeply intertwined in relationships, and they play a significant role in shaping individuals' experiences of intimacy and pleasure. In a society that places immense pressure on individuals to conform to certain beauty standards, body image issues and societal expectations can have a profound impact on one's perception of themselves and their sexuality.

The podcast transcript highlights the pressure to have a specific body type, with emphasis on a thin waist, big breasts, and a curvy butt. This narrow definition of beauty can lead to feelings of inadequacy and shame for those who do not fit into these societal ideals. The podcast host, for example, discusses her own hang-ups about her breasts and how she has been shamed for them in the past. However, she also shares how her partner's positive affirmation and love have helped her heal from this shame.

This highlights the power of intimate relationships in healing past wounds and building a positive body image. The host's partner's appreciation for her body, including her breasts and buttocks, has played a significant role in her journey towards self-acceptance and self-love. It is through the love and acceptance of her partner that she has been able to challenge societal expectations and embrace her own unique beauty.

The podcast also explores the connection between sexuality and vulnerability. The host shares her personal struggle with turning off her sexuality and avoiding intimacy. She reveals that she used to not enjoy sex and was uncomfortable being vulnerable with her husband, despite their long-term relationship. This lack of comfort and vulnerability stemmed from deeper emotional issues and trauma related to trust.

The host's journey towards healing and embracing her sexuality involved self-reflection and self-inquiry. She had to confront her own emotions and delve into the root causes of her mistrust and discomfort. This process required courage and a willingness to explore her own feelings and experiences. Through this introspection, she was able to uncover the underlying trauma that was affecting her sexuality and her ability to be vulnerable with her partner.

The podcast guest emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and self-compassion in navigating these issues. She encourages individuals to dive into the study of sexuality, to feel their bodies, and to approach the process with patience and gentleness. It is crucial to recognize that healing and growth take time, and that it is normal to have ups and downs along the way.

The podcast also touches upon the challenges of balancing personal projects and intimate relationships. The host shares how her focus on a passion project has affected her desire for intimacy with her partner. This highlights the importance of finding a balance between personal pursuits and nurturing one's intimate relationship. It is essential to recognize that creative energy and focus can sometimes be directed towards other areas of life, but it is important to maintain open communication and prioritize intimacy within the relationship.

Listen to your body's cues.

One way to reconnect with the body and listen to its cues is through breathwork. The podcast transcript mentions a tantric breath exercise that can help individuals become more present in their bodies during sexual experiences. This breath involves puckering the lips and taking deep breaths, focusing on the exhale. By practicing this breathwork, individuals can bring their attention back to their bodies and become more aware of the sensations they are experiencing.

Additionally, it is important to acknowledge the societal pressures placed on women to be everything – a perfect mother, a successful career woman, and a sexual partner. These expectations can create feelings of overwhelm and a sense of not being able to meet all of these demands. It is crucial to let go of these pressures and give oneself permission to focus on different aspects of life at different times. Just as creative energy can be directed towards a project or a baby, it is normal for sexual energy to ebb and flow depending on various factors.

Furthermore, the podcast highlights the importance of self-acceptance and self-love. Society often promotes a narrow definition of beauty, causing individuals to feel inadequate and disconnected from their bodies. By challenging these societal expectations and embracing one's unique beauty, individuals can cultivate a positive body image and feel more confident in their sexuality. Listening to one's body cues involves being attuned to its needs and desires, and this can only be achieved through self-acceptance and self-love.

Overall, the podcast transcript emphasizes the significance of listening to one's body cues and reconnecting with the self. By practicing breathwork, letting go of societal pressures, and embracing self-acceptance, individuals can cultivate a deeper connection with their bodies and experience greater pleasure and fulfillment in their sexual lives. It is a journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to challenge societal norms, but the rewards are well worth it.

Shame is not about body.

One of the key themes in the podcast transcript is the idea that shame is not about the body. The conversation between the speakers highlights how shame and insecurities about one's body can manifest in various ways, regardless of its appearance. The speakers discuss their personal experiences with body image issues and how they have navigated through them.

The podcast begins with a discussion about breathwork and its connection to the body. The speakers acknowledge that breathwork can be practiced during sexual activities, allowing individuals to connect with their bodies on a deeper level. This practice is not only limited to the bedroom but can also be done outside of it, emphasizing the importance of connecting with oneself and practicing self-pleasure.

One speaker shares her personal journey with body image, highlighting the societal pressures she faced growing up. She mentions the obsession with having a "thigh gap" and feeling inadequate compared to the images of perfection portrayed by celebrities like Kylie Jenner. Despite having a boyfriend who loved her body, she still felt deeply ashamed of it and constantly worried about her appearance.

The speaker also discusses her experience with eating disorders, from bingeing and purging to extreme dieting. She shares how she transformed her body through personal training but still struggled with shame and discomfort when being in a bathing suit or receiving attention for her appearance. This highlights the fact that shame is not solely based on physical appearance but is deeply rooted in one's perception of self-worth.

The conversation then takes a deeper turn as the speakers explore the underlying causes of shame. One speaker suggests that shame has nothing to do with the body itself but is projected onto it. They propose that there is always something deeper causing shame, whether it be fear, insecurity, or a lack of self-acceptance.

The speaker advises the other participant to delve into her feelings of shame and ask herself what she needs and what she is afraid of. By engaging in self-reflection and understanding the root causes of shame, individuals can begin to address and heal these deeper wounds. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of self-support and self-compassion, acknowledging that the journey towards self-acceptance and body positivity requires inner work and patience.

Throughout the podcast, the speakers challenge societal norms and expectations regarding body image. They encourage listeners to embrace their bodies and practice self-love, regardless of societal standards. They emphasize the importance of recognizing that the shame associated with the body is not about the body itself, but rather about the deeper emotions and fears that individuals carry.

In conclusion, the podcast transcript highlights the idea that shame is not about the body. It emphasizes the significance of listening to one's body cues, reconnecting with oneself, and challenging societal pressures. By practicing breathwork, self-reflection, and self-acceptance, individuals can cultivate a deeper connection with their bodies and experience greater pleasure and fulfillment in their sexual lives. The podcast encourages listeners to embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-love, recognizing that the rewards of embracing one's true self are invaluable.

Embrace and surrender to pleasure.

The podcast transcript revolves around the theme of "Embrace and surrender to pleasure." It explores the concept of body acceptance, self-love, and the importance of finding pleasure in one's body. The speakers discuss their personal experiences and offer insights on how individuals can cultivate a positive relationship with their bodies.

The transcript begins with a discussion about body image and the impact it can have on one's day. The speaker questions whether it is worth ruining an entire day because of dissatisfaction with one's appearance. They emphasize the importance of accepting oneself as they are and making choices from a place of self-acceptance and groundedness.

The conversation then shifts to the idea of pleasure and its role in connecting with one's body. The speaker explains that pleasure goes beyond sexual pleasure or instant gratification. It is about igniting intuition and making choices that align with one's body's needs and desires. They mention practical tools that can be used to incorporate pleasure into one's relationship with their body, such as listening to body cues and making choices that bring joy and fulfillment.

The speaker highlights the challenge of leaning into pleasure, as humans are wired to avoid pain. They stress the importance of training oneself to surrender to pleasure and embrace it as a possibility. Surrendering to pleasure is described as a transformative experience that allows individuals to let go of control and trust their bodies and the divine.

The podcast also touches on the speaker's personal journey of surrendering to pleasure and accepting their body. They share that even after years of struggling with body image, they finally reached a point of surrender and trust. This surrender led to a significant shift in their relationship with their body and a newfound sense of peace and acceptance.

Throughout the conversation, the podcast hosts express gratitude for the speaker's insights and acknowledge the impact it has had on them personally. They express their desire to have the speaker back on the show and mention that their listeners may be interested in individual coaching with the speaker.

In conclusion, the podcast transcript highlights the idea that embracing and surrendering to pleasure is a transformative experience that can lead to self-acceptance and a deeper connection with one's body. It emphasizes the significance of listening to one's body cues, reconnecting with oneself, and challenging societal pressures. By practicing breathwork, self-reflection, and self-acceptance, individuals can cultivate a deeper connection with their bodies and experience greater pleasure and fulfillment in their sexual lives. The podcast encourages listeners to embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-love, recognizing that the rewards of embracing one's true self are invaluable.

Body acceptance and self-love.

The podcast begins by addressing the issues of shame and pain associated with one's body. It encourages listeners to identify and acknowledge any negative feelings they may have towards their bodies. The host prompts the audience to touch the part of their body they feel shame about and inquire about its feelings and needs. This exercise aims to promote self-awareness and self-compassion.

The podcast emphasizes that our bodies have messages to share with us and that it is important to listen to them. By asking the body how it feels and what it wants, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their needs. The host encourages listeners to apologize to their bodies if necessary, acknowledging the harm they may have caused through negative self-talk or mistreatment.

The podcast then introduces a guest, Marla Mervis Hartman, a body image expert, who shares her personal story of struggling with body image and food obsession. Marla's story highlights the impact of societal pressure and external validation on her self-perception. She describes how she used food as a coping mechanism and believed that achieving a specific body weight would bring happiness and fulfillment. However, she eventually realized that true self-acceptance and body love come from within, not from external validation or conforming to societal ideals.

Marla's journey towards self-acceptance involved various practices such as Reiki, Tantra, and reconnecting with her body. She mentions that her pregnancy played a significant role in her transformation, allowing her to develop trust in her body and find freedom with food. Marla now supports other women in their journey towards body acceptance and self-love.

The podcast then transitions to a coaching session, where Crystal shares her experience of being weight-shamed by her doctor. Crystal expresses her frustration with the doctor's judgmental comments and the impact it has on her self-esteem. This situation highlights the importance of finding healthcare professionals who are supportive and respectful, rather than perpetuating body shame.

Advocate for your own body.

The podcast transcript revolves around the theme of advocating for one's own body. It begins with a discussion about filing a grievance with insurance, highlighting the importance of being aware of one's rights and taking action when necessary. This sets the tone for the rest of the conversation, emphasizing the need to stand up for oneself in various aspects of life.

The transcript then delves into a personal experience with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), a condition that can make it challenging to lose weight. The speaker expresses frustration with societal expectations and the fear of resembling overweight family members. The conversation highlights the impact of external shaming and the importance of recognizing that such judgment often stems from one's own inner voice of shame.

The podcast host acknowledges the importance of filing a grievance and introduces the concept of Health at Every Size, a philosophy that promotes body acceptance and challenges societal norms surrounding weight and health. The host encourages the listener to seek out practitioners who align with this philosophy, emphasizing the importance of finding support and validation in one's healthcare journey.

The conversation then shifts to a personal experience of body image issues during pregnancy. The speaker shares her struggle with feeling desirable and experiencing tension in her relationship due to her changing body. The host offers guidance on embracing one's body during pregnancy and letting go of societal expectations.

In conclusion, the podcast transcript highlights the importance of advocating for one's own body. It encourages individuals to challenge societal pressures, seek support from like-minded practitioners, and embrace their bodies at every stage of life. By doing so, individuals can cultivate self-acceptance, reconnect with their bodies, and experience greater pleasure and fulfillment in their lives. The transcript serves as a reminder that advocating for one's own body is not only empowering but also essential for personal well-being and happiness.

Body image and relationship dynamics.

Body image and relationship dynamics are complex topics that can greatly impact individuals' self-esteem, confidence, and overall well-being. The podcast transcript provides insight into these issues through the experiences and perspectives of different individuals.

The first part of the transcript focuses on a woman's struggle with body image during pregnancy and how it affects her relationship with her husband. She shares that her husband does not find pregnancy attractive and is afraid of hurting something, which affects their intimacy and sexual connection. This highlights the societal pressure for women to maintain a certain level of attractiveness even during pregnancy, and the impact it can have on their self-esteem and relationships.

The podcast host acknowledges that this is a common issue for men as well, as they go through their own transition of becoming a father. The host suggests that the woman be supportive of her husband's experience and understand that there may be deeper issues at play beyond physical attraction. This conversation emphasizes the importance of open communication, empathy, and understanding in navigating body image issues within a relationship.

The second part of the transcript discusses body image issues from a cultural perspective. The individual shares her experience growing up in a culture where being thin is highly valued. She recounts incidents where she felt objectified and harassed due to her changing body, leading to negative body image and protective behaviors such as overeating or excessive exercise. This highlights the damaging impact that societal beauty standards can have on individuals' mental and emotional well-being.

The individual also shares her journey towards self-acceptance and body positivity. She mentions how getting out of a toxic marriage allowed her to prioritize her own well-being and embrace her body. This narrative showcases the importance of self-care, self-love, and the liberation that comes with breaking free from societal expectations.

Body shaming perpetuates unhealthy cycles.

Body shaming perpetuates unhealthy cycles. This is a powerful statement that is explored in depth in the podcast transcript. The conversation revolves around the experiences of various individuals who have struggled with body image issues and the negative impact it has had on their lives. The podcast emphasizes the need to break free from societal pressures and embrace one's own body.

One of the key themes that emerges from the transcript is the idea that body shaming is not limited to a specific age or gender. It affects individuals of all backgrounds and can manifest in various ways. For example, one person in the podcast talks about noticing wrinkles and sagging skin, while another person discusses the cycle of binge eating and weight loss. These experiences highlight the pervasive nature of body shaming and its ability to impact individuals at different stages of life.

The podcast also delves into the societal expectations placed on women and the impact it has on their body image. The conversation touches on topics such as sexual violation, harassment, and the pressure to conform to certain beauty standards. These experiences can create a sense of shame and insecurity, leading to a negative relationship with one's body.

One of the most impactful moments in the podcast is when a listener asks for advice on how to mend the potential harm caused by her own body shaming comments to her daughters. The response emphasizes the importance of having an open and honest conversation about body image and apologizing for any negative impact. It highlights the need to break the cycle of body shaming and create a positive environment for future generations.

Another important aspect discussed in the podcast is the cycle of dieting and restriction that often accompanies body shaming. The transcript explains how diets and strict eating habits can lead to a constant cycle of restriction and binge eating. This unhealthy pattern perpetuates negative body image and can have a detrimental impact on one's mental and physical health.

Love your body, make changes.

The podcast transcript emphasizes the idea of loving one's body while also recognizing the need for making changes. It acknowledges that societal pressures and norms often lead individuals to feel shame and discomfort about their bodies. The cycle of dieting and binging is seen as a result of this shame and the desire to conform to societal standards.

However, the transcript challenges the notion that being in a smaller body equates to having everything figured out. It suggests that the focus should not be on achieving a specific body size or appearance, but rather on making changes that promote self-love and well-being.

The speaker suggests that individuals do not have to like their bodies or be content with how they look, but they do need to find a way to love their bodies. This involves taking loving actions towards oneself, such as finding pleasure in activities that have nothing to do with weight or appearance. The importance of addressing shame is also highlighted, as shame only perpetuates negative behaviors and emotions.

The transcript encourages individuals to examine the factors that have contributed to their current mindset about their bodies. This includes exploring past experiences and vulnerabilities that may have triggered negative self-perception. By understanding these factors, individuals can begin to heal and cultivate self-compassion.

Overall, the podcast transcript emphasizes the importance of loving one's body while also recognizing the need for change. It encourages individuals to shift their focus from external validation to self-acceptance and self-care. By doing so, individuals can experience greater happiness and fulfillment in their lives.

Body image and self-acceptance struggle.

The podcast transcript explores the topic of body image and self-acceptance struggle. It begins with the speaker acknowledging the pressure they feel to meet societal expectations regarding their size and appearance. They express their belief that if they don't work out and maintain a certain size, they will disappoint others, including their partner. However, the partner has always expressed love and acceptance for them as they are, emphasizing that their desire for the speaker to work out and be healthy is not about their size.

The speaker then shares their personal experience as a performer, where they have faced criticism and rejection due to their size. They have had producers tell them they were too fat and that they would never make it in the industry. This external pressure has led the speaker to struggle with their body image and question their "happy weight." They admit to trying to please others and not knowing what choices are truly their own.

The podcast host offers guidance and advice to the speaker, encouraging them to journal and write down all the thoughts and voices in their head that are influencing their body image and self-acceptance. By externalizing these thoughts and seeing them on paper, the speaker can gain clarity and begin to differentiate between their own thoughts and the opinions of others. The host suggests tearing up the written thoughts as a symbolic act of letting go of external expectations.

The host emphasizes the importance of getting in touch with oneself and making choices that are genuinely for one's own well-being. They highlight that exercise is indeed a good idea for the speaker, but it should be motivated by self-care rather than external pressure. The speaker acknowledges that they have been hard on themselves and expresses a desire to stop beating themselves up.

The conversation then shifts to the speaker's relationship with their boyfriend. They recount a situation where their boyfriend touches their stomach, and the speaker interprets it as a negative comment about their weight. However, the boyfriend clarifies that he simply likes the way it feels and doesn't view it as a negative attribute. This interaction highlights the speaker's tendency to interpret actions and words negatively due to their own insecurities.

The host reminds the speaker of a past experience where they gained weight during a fun period and then lost it naturally. They emphasize that the body's weight fluctuates naturally and that getting hung up on weight gain is counterproductive. Trusting one's body and its ability to find balance is crucial in the journey towards self-acceptance and self-care.

In conclusion, the podcast transcript explores the struggle of body image and self-acceptance. It highlights the external pressures individuals face and the negative impact they can have on one's perception of themselves. The conversation emphasizes the importance of shifting focus from external validation to self-acceptance and self-care. By recognizing and challenging negative thoughts and external expectations, individuals can work towards loving their bodies and finding happiness and fulfillment in their lives.