Navigating Desire Differences, Rekindling Passion and Cultivating Resilience in Relationships with Dr. Todd Creager

Navigating Desire Differences, Rekindling Passion and Cultivating Resilience in Relationships with Dr. Todd Creager

Join relationship therapist and sex expert Todd Creager as he shares insights on reigniting passion and maintaining a sizzling connection in long-term relationships. With over 40 years of experience, Todd discusses overcoming infidelity, trauma healing, and the importance of a healthy sex life as a key to thriving in tough times. Discover valuable tips on addressing mismatched desires and keeping the spark alive in your relationship.


[00:03:27] Reigniting passion in long-term relationships.

[00:06:03] Understanding sexual accelerators and brakes.

[00:10:00] Body image and trauma response.

[00:13:10] Overcoming sexual performance anxiety.

[00:15:31] Understanding changes in sexual desire.

[00:21:39] Expanding definition of foreplay.

[00:25:49] Maintaining passion in relationships.

[00:29:12] Hormones and relationship dynamics.

[00:34:01] Rethinking masculinity and vulnerability.

[00:37:17] Parts and trauma in relationships.

[00:40:30] Resilience in relationships.

[00:44:16] A memorable bubble bath experience.

[00:46:39] Healing Infidelity from the Inside Out.


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Curiosity is key to passion.


Curiosity is Key to Passion


In the podcast transcript, Todd Krieger, a relationship therapist and sex expert, emphasizes the importance of curiosity in reigniting passion in long-term relationships. He suggests that when couples are facing challenges in maintaining intimacy and desire, the first step is to approach the situation with an open mind and a willingness to learn. This curiosity, he believes, is the key to unlocking the secrets of passion and maintaining a sizzling connection.


Curiosity is a powerful tool in relationships, as it allows individuals to explore and understand their own desires and those of their partners. By being curious, couples can uncover the underlying reasons for any issues they may be facing in their intimacy, whether it be mismatched desire, low sexual drive, or other obstacles. Instead of placing blame or judgment on themselves or their partners, approaching the situation with curiosity allows for a deeper understanding of the root causes of the challenges they are facing.


In the context of long-term relationships, where passion can sometimes wane over time, curiosity becomes even more essential. By remaining curious about each other's needs, desires, and boundaries, couples can continue to evolve and grow together, creating a dynamic and fulfilling partnership. Curiosity encourages exploration, experimentation, and communication, all of which are vital components of a healthy and passionate relationship.


Furthermore, curiosity can help couples navigate the complexities of intimacy and desire by encouraging them to ask questions, seek out new experiences, and stay open to learning and growth. This mindset of curiosity fosters a sense of adventure and discovery within the relationship, keeping the spark alive and the connection strong.


In conclusion, Todd Krieger's emphasis on curiosity as the key to passion in relationships is a valuable insight for couples looking to reignite their spark and maintain a thriving connection. By approaching challenges with an open mind, a willingness to learn, and a sense of curiosity, couples can cultivate a deeper understanding of each other, explore new possibilities, and keep the flames of passion burning bright. Curiosity is not only a tool for overcoming obstacles but also a mindset that can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship in the long run.


Healing body shame through therapy.


Healing body shame through therapy is a complex and deeply personal process that requires a compassionate and skilled therapist like Todd Krieger. In the podcast transcript, Krieger discusses how body shame can stem from various sources, such as critical parents, societal pressures, or traumatic experiences like molestation. By delving into the underlying causes of body shame, therapists can help individuals confront negative beliefs, challenge distorted perceptions, and process past traumas through techniques like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).


One of the key strategies Krieger mentions is helping individuals reframe their negative beliefs and confront their fears in order to build a more positive self-image. By identifying where these beliefs originated and working through them in therapy, individuals can begin to heal and develop a healthier relationship with their bodies. For example, using EMDR to revisit a childhood memory where someone made hurtful comments about their appearance can help individuals reprocess and release the emotional impact of that experience.


Additionally, Krieger highlights the importance of addressing body shame as a trauma response, especially for individuals who have experienced abuse or mistreatment. By recognizing the connection between trauma and body shame, therapists can help clients separate their sense of self-worth from past experiences and cultivate self-compassion and self-acceptance.


Furthermore, Krieger's approach underscores the transformative power of therapy in helping individuals heal from body shame and reclaim their sense of worth and confidence. By providing a safe and supportive space for clients to explore their feelings, challenge negative beliefs, and process past traumas, therapists can guide individuals on a journey towards self-acceptance and empowerment.


In conclusion, healing body shame through therapy is a deeply personal and transformative process that requires compassion, understanding, and skilled guidance. By addressing the underlying causes of body shame, challenging negative beliefs, and processing past traumas, individuals can begin to heal, cultivate self-acceptance, and develop a healthier relationship with their bodies. Therapy, as exemplified by Todd Krieger's approach, offers a powerful tool for individuals to reclaim their sense of worth, confidence, and self-love.


Sex is about connection, not performance.


In the podcast transcript, the conversation revolves around the idea that sex is about connection, not performance. The speaker, Todd Krieger, discusses how societal expectations and cultural norms often place a heavy emphasis on performance in the bedroom, particularly for men. This pressure to perform can lead to issues such as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and feelings of inadequacy.


Krieger emphasizes the importance of shifting the focus away from performance and towards connection. He suggests that men should prioritize connecting with their partners, tuning into their partner's needs and desires, and enjoying the intimacy of the moment. By letting go of the goal of having a perfect erection or lasting a certain amount of time, individuals can experience a deeper sense of intimacy and pleasure in their sexual encounters.


One technique Krieger mentions is the idea of intentionally losing and gaining an erection during sex. By normalizing the idea that it's okay to lose an erection and practicing regaining it, individuals can release the pressure to perform perfectly and instead focus on the connection and pleasure shared with their partner.


Overall, the concept that sex is about connection, not performance, highlights the importance of intimacy, vulnerability, and mutual pleasure in sexual relationships. By prioritizing connection over performance, individuals can experience deeper levels of satisfaction, fulfillment, and emotional connection in their sexual encounters. This mindset shift can lead to a more fulfilling and enjoyable sex life for both partners.


Reignite passion in long-term relationships.


In the podcast, the conversation delves into the topic of reigniting passion in long-term relationships. One of the key points discussed is the misconception that as individuals age, their ability to instantly become aroused diminishes. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a lack of interest in sex. However, it is important to recognize that arousal and desire can manifest in different ways as individuals age, and it is essential to understand and adapt to these changes in order to maintain a fulfilling sex life.


One of the examples shared in the podcast involves a couple where the husband had lost interest in sex with his partner after feeling pressure to commit to marriage. Through therapy, it was revealed that his performance anxiety and fear of commitment were the underlying reasons for his lack of desire. This case highlights the importance of addressing underlying issues and communication in maintaining a healthy sexual relationship.


To reignite passion in a long-term relationship, it is crucial for partners to prioritize connection, intimacy, and mutual pleasure. This can be achieved through open communication, exploring each other's desires and boundaries, and being present and attentive during sexual encounters. It is also important to embrace the idea that sex is about connection and vulnerability, rather than performance.


Practical tips and exercises for couples looking to bring back the spark in their relationship include trying new things together, such as exploring different sexual activities or fantasies, scheduling regular date nights, and investing time and effort into building emotional intimacy. It is also important for partners to prioritize self-care, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and address any underlying issues that may be impacting their sexual relationship.


Overall, reigniting passion in a long-term relationship requires effort, communication, and a willingness to adapt to the changes that come with age and life experiences. By prioritizing connection, intimacy, and mutual pleasure, couples can experience a deeper level of satisfaction, fulfillment, and emotional connection in their sexual relationship.


Expand foreplay, rediscover seduction, connect.


Foreplay is often seen as the precursor to sex, but it can be so much more than that. In the podcast transcript, the speaker emphasizes the importance of expanding the definition of foreplay to include non-sexual activities that promote connection and intimacy. By becoming partners in pain, couples can learn to navigate difficult emotions together and strengthen their bond. This emotional connection serves as the foundation for a healthy and fulfilling sex life.


Additionally, the speaker suggests incorporating playful activities into the relationship, such as dancing or singing together. These activities not only create opportunities for fun and laughter but also help couples break out of their comfort zones and rediscover the joy of being together. By setting aside time for play and intimacy, couples can reignite the spark in their relationship and deepen their connection.


In long-term relationships, the art of seduction can often be forgotten or overlooked. The speaker acknowledges that routine and familiarity can dampen the excitement and passion in a relationship. To relearn the art of seduction and discover what turns your partner on, open communication and experimentation are key. By engaging in conversations about desires, fantasies, and preferences, couples can explore new ways to create a sensual and intimate environment.


The speaker's personal experience of being married for 40 years serves as a testament to the importance of continuously investing in the relationship and adapting to the changes that come with time. By prioritizing connection, rediscovering seduction, and embracing new experiences, couples can keep the flame of passion alive and maintain a strong emotional bond.


In conclusion, expanding foreplay, rediscovering seduction, and prioritizing connection are essential components of maintaining a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship. By embracing vulnerability, communication, and playfulness, couples can navigate the challenges of long-term relationships and experience deeper levels of intimacy and satisfaction. Ultimately, by investing in their relationship and each other, couples can create a lasting and fulfilling connection that withstands the test of time.


Communication is key for passion.


Communication is key for passion. This is a recurring theme in the podcast transcript, where the importance of open and honest communication in relationships is emphasized. The speaker discusses the need for couples to constantly communicate their desires, needs, and preferences in order to maintain passion and intimacy in their relationship.


One of the key points highlighted in the podcast is the idea that sexual desires and preferences can change over time. It is important for couples to acknowledge and accept these changes and to have ongoing conversations about what turns each other on. This can involve asking simple questions like "What can I do to turn you on?" or experimenting with new ways to ignite the spark in the relationship.


The transcript also touches on the concept of desire differences in relationships, where one partner may desire sex more frequently than the other. In these situations, it is crucial for couples to communicate openly about their needs and desires. By understanding each other's sexual accelerators and taking a slower approach, couples can bridge the gap in desire differences and find ways to connect on a deeper level.


Furthermore, the podcast emphasizes the importance of planned romance and sharing feelings in maintaining passion in a relationship. By prioritizing connection and intimacy, couples can create a strong foundation for a fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship. This involves being vulnerable, expressing appreciation, and engaging in playful and romantic gestures to keep the spark alive.


In conclusion, the podcast highlights that communication is key for passion in relationships. By being open, honest, and vulnerable with each other, couples can navigate the challenges of long-term relationships and experience deeper levels of intimacy and satisfaction. By prioritizing communication, connection, and playfulness, couples can create a lasting and fulfilling connection that withstands the test of time.


Masculinity is about listening.


Masculinity is often associated with traits such as strength, independence, and stoicism. However, the podcast suggests that true masculinity is about listening. The idea that being a good listener is the most masculine thing a man can do challenges traditional notions of masculinity and emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence and communication in relationships.


The podcast discusses how men are not hormonally driven to share their feelings, but rather to feel successful. However, by practicing the act of locating and sharing their feelings, men can increase their levels of oxytocin and estrogen, leading to higher energy, happiness, and ultimately, a stronger connection with their partner. This highlights the idea that masculinity is not about suppressing emotions or avoiding vulnerability, but rather about being open and attentive to one's own feelings and those of their partner.


Furthermore, the podcast touches on the concept of toxic masculinity and the need for men to undo societal programming that dictates what it means to be manly. The shift towards a more heart-centered masculinity involves embracing vulnerability, being a good listener, and creating a safe space for emotional expression. This challenges the idea that masculinity is solely about power and dominance, and instead emphasizes the importance of empathy, understanding, and emotional connection in relationships.


In conclusion, the podcast highlights that masculinity is about listening. By being attentive, empathetic, and open to emotional expression, men can cultivate deeper connections with their partners and break free from outdated stereotypes of masculinity. Ultimately, prioritizing communication, emotional intelligence, and vulnerability can lead to more fulfilling and satisfying relationships for both men and women.


Approach with curiosity and empathy.


Approaching relationships with curiosity and empathy is essential for fostering healthy communication and understanding between partners. In the podcast transcript provided, the speakers discuss the importance of approaching issues in a relationship with a sense of curiosity rather than judgment. This approach allows for a deeper exploration of underlying issues and promotes open and honest communication.


One key point made in the podcast is the idea of adopting a beginner's mindset when addressing challenges in a relationship. Instead of immediately jumping to conclusions or placing blame, it is important to approach the situation with a sense of curiosity and a willingness to explore different perspectives. This can help partners to better understand each other's feelings and motivations, leading to more productive conversations and potential solutions.


Additionally, the speakers emphasize the importance of empathy in navigating trauma within a relationship. They discuss how past experiences and wounds can impact how individuals react to certain situations, and how understanding and validating these feelings can help partners to create a sense of safety and trust. By acknowledging and addressing these underlying issues with empathy, couples can work towards healing together and strengthening their bond.


The podcast also touches on the role of therapy, specifically EMDR therapy, in addressing trauma within the context of a relationship. By working with a trained therapist, couples can explore their individual wounds and triggers, and learn how to communicate and support each other in a more effective way. This can help to break down barriers and create a more secure and connected relationship.


In conclusion, approaching relationships with curiosity and empathy is essential for building strong and healthy connections with our partners. By listening, understanding, and validating each other's experiences, we can create a safe space for open communication and growth. Ultimately, by prioritizing empathy and curiosity in our relationships, we can cultivate deeper understanding, trust, and intimacy with our partners.


Resilience and play in relationships.


Resilience and play are two crucial elements in maintaining a thriving and fulfilling relationship. The podcast transcript highlights the importance of resilience in relationships, emphasizing the need for courage, adaptability, and perseverance when facing challenges and traumas. The hosts discuss how intimate relationships require courage and a willingness to step out of one's comfort zone in order to grow and overcome obstacles together.


The theme of resilience is further explored through the concept of pleasure resilience, which involves cultivating and maintaining a sense of joy, playfulness, and self-expression within the relationship. The hosts share personal anecdotes about how resilience has played a significant role in their own relationships, highlighting the importance of safety, stability, and secure attachment in fostering a sense of adventure and spontaneity.


The podcast also touches on the idea of play in relationships, emphasizing the importance of having fun, being playful, and embracing spontaneity with one's partner. The hosts share stories of how they have incorporated playfulness into their own relationships, such as engaging in playful banter during road trips or creating new experiences together, like taking a bubble bath and making silly bubble beards.


Overall, the podcast underscores the idea that resilience and play are essential components of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. By being resilient in the face of challenges, maintaining a sense of joy and playfulness, and prioritizing open communication and connection with one's partner, individuals can cultivate deeper understanding, trust, and intimacy in their relationships. Approaching relationships with curiosity, empathy, and a willingness to embrace both the highs and lows can lead to a stronger and more resilient bond with one's partner.


Therapy is key for marriage.


One key takeaway from the podcast is the importance of therapy in maintaining a successful marriage. Both the host and guest emphasized the role that therapy has played in their own marriages, with Todd even stating that he would not still be married without therapy. This highlights the idea that therapy can be a crucial tool for navigating the challenges and complexities that arise in relationships.


Therapy provides a safe and supportive space for couples to explore their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, as well as to work through conflicts and issues that may arise. Through therapy, couples can gain insight into their own patterns and dynamics, learn effective communication skills, and develop strategies for resolving conflicts and building a stronger connection with their partner.


Additionally, therapy can help couples address underlying issues that may be impacting their relationship, such as past trauma, unresolved conflicts, or communication barriers. By addressing these issues in therapy, couples can work towards healing and growth, ultimately strengthening their bond and creating a more fulfilling and harmonious relationship.


Furthermore, therapy can also be a preventative measure for couples, helping them to address potential issues before they escalate and become more challenging to resolve. By regularly attending therapy sessions, couples can proactively address any concerns or conflicts that arise, and develop a deeper understanding and appreciation for each other.


Overall, the podcast highlights the idea that therapy is key for marriage, providing couples with the tools, support, and guidance they need to navigate the ups and downs of a relationship, and ultimately build a strong and lasting bond with their partner. Through therapy, couples can cultivate greater self-awareness, empathy, and communication skills, leading to a more fulfilling and resilient marriage.